Inakamono

Gaijin 2 Gaijin

Nori and I were taking a stroll around the harbour this afternoon when a guy approached us, said "Sumimasen" and then, looking at me, asked "Kishaeki doko desu ka?"
Had I heard right? He had mumbled the question and what he apparently said was "Where is Kishaeki?", but what was "Kishaeki"? The name of a shop?
"Excuse me?" I replied in Japanese.
"Kishaeki wa doko desu ka?" he repeated.
The penny dropped - he wanted the station ("eki") So I gave him directions. But something about the exchange wasn't quite right. Kisha is the word for steam train, but the normal question would be "Mishima eki wa doko desu ka" (Where is Mishima station?) I told Nori that I had heard "Kishaeki" - was that right?
"Yeah. That's what I heard. I don't think he was Japanese - his intonation was different on the last part of the question. And when he asked the question he looked at you, not me."
I guessed he was a Chinese national with some connection to one of the local paper factories - Shikokuchuo has a sizeable Chinese population. My directions had been aimed at a Japanese person - someone who would know, for example, that "Fuji" meant Fuji supermarket. Perhaps I should have explained better. We decided to follow and see that he found the station.
The man walked like most people run - he swiftly reached the corner on which Fuji stands and kept going instead of crossing the road as I had instructed. I broke into a run and caught up with him as he yammered away on his mobile phone.
"Excuse me....you need to cross back there" He smiled, crossed the road and made his way to the station.
Nori and I did our shopping at Fuji and as we headed back to my place, we ran into the guy.
"Arigato" he said, then "Amerikajin desu ka?"
"No I'm Australian. Are you......"
But he was already talking again on his phone, oblivious to being addressed. Nori and I just laughed.

Politeness

From a language school in Matsuyama. An 8 year old boy to the teacher of the class:
"May I go and fart?"

Unfortunate name

I burst out laughing after reading a post on Big Daikon at lunchtime today, shattering the bento-eating, solitaire-playing silence of the office and causing everyone to stare at me. I had to explain my mirth. The post concerned an English girl teaching in Japan on the JET Programme. She possesed the unfortunate surname Mankovitch. When I wrote the name down and showed it to my colleagues they all cracked up. Why? I think we all pictured the poor woman introducing herself when she arrived in Japan. You see, "manko" is Japanese for cunt.

Mentholated for his pleasure

I made a prophylactic stop at Lawson and noticed a brand which looked like a box of cigarettes. Even the name was reminiscent of tobacco products: "Kansai Condom Menthol". Amused with the design I invested in a box. Later that night I discovered that the menthol label was no mere aesthetic adornment. About a minute into a nocturnal test drive I noticed my manhood beginning to tingle. I initially dismissed it as the result of friction, but it persisted, until it felt like I was having sex with a large mint Lifesaver. Not painful, but distracting. You have been warned.